


Can I Lay By Your Side?

by pacifyharry



Series: (Not Just) A Casual Fuck [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Vulnerable Zayn, based off Stay with Me by Sam Smith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-13
Updated: 2015-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-06 13:39:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5419169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pacifyharry/pseuds/pacifyharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn needs to find the courage to tell Liam how he really feels.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Can I Lay By Your Side?

"Oh fuck!" Liam moaned, thrusting himself deeper inside Zayn, effectively pushing him to his limit as he came undone, emptying himself inside the older lad.

Zayn let out a whine, clenching his eyes shut, very quickly following Liam's lead. His hands dropped from where they were: firmly dug into Liam's back, to his sides as Liam flopped down next to him too.

It had happened again, Zayn had let Liam fuck him, and though he didn't want to, Zayn regretted it. He felt used, and dirty. They were new emotions. Used because Liam didn't want him. Not really. Dirty because he was giving himself up so easily, throwing himself at a man who didn't care for him. He felt like prostitute, only he wasn't getting paid.

Liam was laying next to him, he was breathing heavily, his sweaty shoulder stuck to Zayn's. Liam was here now, but he was just catching a breath, he'd be gone in less than ten minutes, and Zayn felt his eyes well up with tears. No. He wouldn't cry in front if Liam. He didn't have the right to, Liam wasn't forcing Zayn to have sex with him, this was with Zayn's agreement. Just sex, no strings attached.

"Thank you." Zayn heard himself mumble. _Thank you for spending time with me._

Liam rolled over slightly to kiss Zayn's cheek, "Oh anytime, babe."

Zayn smiled softly and closed his eyes to prevent the tears.

"You're absolutely adorable." Liam whispered, peppering little kisses along Zayn's jawline, and stopping at his lips, stopping only briefly before connecting them. "But duty calls." And then Liam was sitting up on the bed. Then he was off of the bed completely.

Zayn composed himself with the lie that Liam was only leaving so soon because he had to get back to work, before propping himself up on his elbows and watching the brunette clothe himself.

Zayn was so attached to Liam and he hated himself for it. Liam wasn't looking for relationships, he'd said once that he 'didn't do' them. But he did enjoy fucking Zayn, and Zayn did enjoy being fucked by Liam. And that used to be enough. But Zayn craved to be loved, he needed it, but Liam was not the person who could give it to him, and that was a damn shame because if what ever he felt towards Liam wasn't love: It was pretty fucking close.

But as much as Zayn wanted to think he was, Liam wasn't the bad guy in all of this. Liam didn't know that he was hurting Zayn, Liam wasn't a bad person, and Zayn was sure that if Liam knew what he was doing, he'd stop. But Zayn didn't want Liam to stop fucking him, he just wanted it to actually mean something. He wanted cuddles, and he wanted dates and cute selfies in between the sex. But Liam didn't.

Liam was bent over pulling his pants on, the muscles in his back tensing and flexing he looked so damn good a wave of desperation crashed Zayn's mind, "Do you wanna' go for a drink?"

Liam turned to face Zayn, jumping slightly to get his jeans over his hips. "A drink?" He asked confused, zipping his fly.

Zayn nodded, "You know, because before all of this started we were mates and we talked to each other. We don't do that anymore and I kind of miss it." Zayn shrugged it off as though it was nothing, but internally he was screaming. How was Liam going to react to this?

Liam nodded, bending down to pick his shirt up off the floor, "Yeah." He said, "That sounds nice."

Zayn didn't realise how tense he was until he felt all of his muscles relax. "Cool." He smiled.

Liam smiled back at him, pulling his shirt over his head and messing his sex hair even more, "You free on Friday evening?"

Zayn nodded, and Liam said "Cool, I can pick you up when I finish work if you'd like?"

Zayn nodded again, "Sounds good." He smiled and Liam continued to smile back at him.

"I'll see you Friday then." Liam winked. He picked his socks up off the floor and was gone.

Zayn flopped back down on the bed, a massive grin on his face. Liam wanted to spend time with him. Clothed. Liam wanted to hear about Zayn's life and listen to what he had to say and he wanted to tell Zayn about his life and share stories.

Liam cared.

The thought came before Zayn could suppress it. Zayn's grin faltered. He was foolish. Just because Liam agreed to go for a drink with him, didn't mean anything. At all.

Maybe Liam was just counting on it ending in hot _pub bathroom sex._ Which, okay, Zayn wouldn't totally be against but he was just so so _so_ desperate for something more his heart was aching.

With his happy mood somewhat ruined, Zayn got up off the bed, he stripped the sheets and dumped them in laundry to be washed when he could be bothered doing it, and then he went for a shower.

.

By Friday afternoon, Zayn was absolutely convinced that going for a drink with Liam was a bad idea. He was going to to get hurt thinking that something would come out of it.

Even though Zayn knew not to get his hopes up, that he was just a cheap, easy fuck, he still couldn't stop the happy scenarios invading his brain. He'd imagine Liam confessing his love for him, he'd imagine Liam telling Zayn he needed to be his boyfriend. He imagined Liam taking him to do romantic things. Things that of course would never happen.

So Zayn was going to tell him the truth... Maybe.

It felt like a good idea, but then, if he was just an easy fuck for Liam, he'd just find another guy willing for a shag. Zayn didn't want that, didn't like thinking he was replaceable.

He'd busied himself all day just doing stupid, conventional tasks around the house until Liam showed up just after five.

He was still dressed in his formal work attire, he looked amazing. He always looked amazing and it was totally unfair! How was Zayn supposed to say no to him?

"You look nice." Liam smiled, as Zayn locked the door to his apartment.

Zayn felt his cheeks heat up, he turned around to face Liam, and realised Liam had just been staring his bum. Still, it was a compliment. "You look professional." Zayn replied as they headed out of the building towards Liam's car.

"I _am_ professional." Liam winked and Zayn wasn't sure if it were a sexual comment or not, but if it was, he certainly didn't get it.

The drive was uneventful, they chatted about stupid trivial things like the news and shit, and Zayn felt completely uncomfortable. He and Liam had once been friends, they were great friends until they drunkenly hooked up and Liam proposed the friends with benefits thing.

Now Zayn had a massive crush on Liam, and couldn't think of a thing to say about it. So he engaged in stupid conversation until they reached the pub.

Liam flirted with the guy behind the bar a little bit, and Zayn pretended he didn't care. He didn't have a right to be jealous. He just bought another drink.

"So how've you been then, Zee?"

Zayn shrugged, his head already starting to buzz from the alcohol. He wasn't a lightweight... It just didn't take much to get him drunk. "I've been better. How've you been?"

Liam smiled at him, "A little stressed, work is really starting to drain me." He smirked and nudged Zayn's arm with his elbow, "But that's why I've got you."

Zayn smiled at him and downed the rest of his drink. "Yup, that's what I'm good for."

Liam laughed and then launched into a story about something he had gotten up to the other day, and Zayn wanted to listen, he really did, but he just couldn't focus because he really wanted to kiss Liam. He wanted to go home from the bar with Liam, as boyfriends, he wanted to watch movies with Liam, as boyfriends, and he wanted Liam to be telling this exact story to him at home, while they were cuddled on the couch after dinner. As boyfriends.

"I need the loo." Zayn interrupted, standing from the seat.

He made his way to the bathroom, his mind swirly with thoughts slowly losing sobriety. He peed like he said he would, and as he was washing his hands he felt a pair of arms wrapping around his waist.

"Ever had sex in a public bathroom?" Liam whispered huskily in his ear and Zayn shivered because fuck this was so hot. It was completely anticipated, but still attractive as hell.

Zayn turned in Liam's arms, "Not with you."

In a flash Zayn's lower back was pressed somewhat uncomfortably against the sink, as Liam pressed his hips into Zayn's, their tongues dancing aggressively together.

Zayn's hands were gripping the front of Liam's shirt, pulling him closer. He really didn't want this, but at the same time he craved it. Basically he craved Liam, and any attention from Liam was like a gift from the heavens.

But Liam didn't want him. Zayn had to keep reminding himself of that. Liam was with him only to have sex with him, to screw him and then walk away and get on with his life, maybe Zayn wasn't even the only one. Maybe Liam had multiple fuck buddies.

Liam lifted Zayn onto the sink, his hands sliding up Zayn's shirt, exploring his body. Zayn whined as Liam broke the kiss to suck on his neck.

Zayn couldn't take it, this was too much. He needed so much more than this, he couldn't keep giving himself up this easily. He wanted to tell Liam to stop, but the words died in his throat and were replaced with a moan as Liam bit gently down on the soft skin on Zayn's neck.

Liam's hands stopped touching Zayn's torso, and moved down to his jeans, Zayn bucked his hips towards Liam, his hands wrapped around the younger man's neck.

Liam undid the button at the top of Zayn's jeans and it wasn't until he slid the fly down that Zayn began to tear up. He absolutely couldn't put himself through the self-hatred and confusion of it all again.

"Hey what's wrong?"

Liam was looking at Zayn, his face soft, his eyes not clouded with lust for once.

Zayn blinked a couple of times, willing the tears to remain in his eyes. "I want you."

Liam smirked, "You can have me." And then his face was nuzzled into the crook of Zayn's neck, and his hands were playing with the top of his jeans and it took every ounce of will power in Zayn to push Liam off him.

"No," He grunted, "Not like this, it hurts me when you fuck me and leave. I want you to want me. To take me on dates and stay over at my house, and I want you to cuddle me, and I want us to cook dinner together, and watch movie marathons, I want to make you feel special, I want to surprise you by having flowers sent to your work I..." Zayn dropped his head forward so that it was rested on Liam's shoulder. "I want to be your boyfriend." He whispered.

Zayn felt Liam tense at his words, he felt his heart sink because he's blown it now. Liam was going to leave, to find a new person to screw; and somehow that thought made Zayn even more unhappy.

"Zayn I- You said you were fine with just sex." Liam mumbled, his voice soft and confused.

Zayn sighed, "That was months ago when I had a little thing for you and regular sex seemed fun. Now I just- I need more. I want to be cared about."

"I do care about you." Liam said, he sounded guilty, and fuck this was the last thing Zayn wanted.

"I know you do... Just not in the way I want you to."

Liam lifted Zayn's head off his shoulder and ran his hands along the older man's cheek bones. "You want to be my boyfriend huh?"

Zayn nodded, his eyes filling up with fresh tears.

Liam smiled softly at him, "I know I'm great but I'm not worth crying over." That earned a small, shaky laugh from Zayn because of course Liam would try to lighten the mood.

Liam looked deep in thought for a second before he leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Zayn's. Zayn kissed back, his hands gently gripping onto the ones clutching his face.

Liam continued to smile softly as they pulled away, "I'm not good at the whole _cute relationship_ thing." He whispered, "But I'll give it a go. For you."

Zayn's jaw went slack as he stared at the man before him, he was sitting on a sink in a gross bathroom with his pants undone, and here was Liam telling him that he wanted to be more than just a casual fuck. "Really?" Zayn heard himself ask.

Liam laughed lightly, "Really. But don't expect too much of me... I'm not super practiced in the art of being a boyfriend."

"You want to be my boyfriend?"

"Unless you've changed your mind."

Zayn shook his head, lurching forward and wrapping his arms around Liam's neck, pulling him as close as humanly possible. "Thank you."

Liam kissed Zayn's shoulder, melting into his arms. "Don't thank me yet, I might be absolutely hopeless."

"Just knowing you want to try is enough."

Liam pulled out of the hug. "Did you still wanna bang in here?"

"Only if you promise we can go back to your place and cuddle afterwards."

Liam connected their lips again, softly, passionately, _lovingly,_

"I promise." He mumbled, and yeah they probably had a difficult journey ahead of them, but maybe, _just maybe_ , they'd be alright.


End file.
